Hi, how's your relationship with yourself? Are you addicted to something or someone? Gill Scott Heron sings about living in a bottle and there are people out there who are living in a bottle causing them not to do right. If you suffering sadness, depression, confusion, hurt, anger and other negative emotions and you are trying to cover it up or soothe it with an addiction, that will only lead you to more problems. Folks are depressed, riddled with shame and guilt, and they are sad and angry and they turn to the bottle or drugs to at least take their mind off of their problems.
Drinking, smoking, etc. looks glamorous; so many people depend on the bottle and other substances including food, sex, porn, shopping, gambling etc. to weather the storms of life. Many fall prey to these patterns as their lives are going down the tubes. This is a timely topic and my idea for this show came after viewing the movie, Flight with Denzel Washington that is getting awards buzz for playing an alcoholic airline pilot named William "Whip" Whitaker. The movie had many sub-contexts in addition to the main story and I hope when you watch it you will see the subtleties in it. There were many issues in his life that he tried to cover with substances including alcohol and drugs, and as is always the case, his life went further down because of it. You really have to go and see the movie.
Our guest today is Eric Harris. He is a listener who in the past struggled with the same issue and he can relate to the Denzel character. He has also written a book titled, Second Chances. Did the movie Flight make you think about your issues and how you are covering them up? What do you believe the movie is about? Is it about facing or finding yourself, facing your demons and taking responsibility for yourself? If you are faced with any of these issues keep reading...
Host: What did you think about the Denzel character, William "Whip" Whitaker and his issues?
Guest: I agree he had a lot off issues. He was struggling with alcoholism and drug addiction.
Host: There were the obvious ones, but he was also struggling with his inability to have visitation with his child, so he was in pain that he was using substances to mask. There was pain, guilt, anger, and sadness going on. He had relationship problems with his baby’s mother, so it was an accumulation of things for him. His pain had many layers. When we saw him he had hit a bottom.
Guest: I relate being a child of alcoholic parents. I didn't want to be "in the bottle," so I chose drugs instead. Alcohol is the oldest drug known to man and it is also the most socially accepted drug that's part of our society.
Host: If you go out for dinner, you will be asked if you want a drink and if you say no they look at you weird. For example, if you ask for water, juice or soda they look at you in a funny way. They push alcohol because the restaurants make a lot of money from the sales.
Guest: I am now 54 years old, but I used all types of substances and functioned at work as a technician at a major corporation. I could've taken down the whole communication system of the company at my job, but that didn't happen.
Host: Many people work under the influence. I see pilots at the bar when I’m traveling and I wonder what they are doing there before they fly. If they are exhausted, then get a drink or are on medication and get a drink, that's a potentially problematic combination. Alcoholism or drug abuse is a problem that some people don't see as a problem. I'm not against drinking but you have to know when you cross the line.
Guest: When you cross the line, you're already there that's how it was for me. While in the midst of it you're not aware. Everyone else is watching you and you don't know what's happening to you. I had to get to the level of admitting I had a problem. Others can tell you to stop and they can take you here and there seeking help for you, but if you are not ready to receive help, you won't get help. I was in denial.
Host: In the movie, William "Whip" Whitaker said, "I got this. I'm the best pilot in the world." His arrogance and his pumped up ego made him get to a place where he couldn't see what was happening till he almost had a fatal accident that was actually fatal for others. When did you hit rock bottom.
Guest: One time, I had a couple of thousand and I spent $2000 on cocaine in two days smoking. I was way out there. I didn't sleep or go to work. I knew something bad was going to happened to me.
Host: You could've killed yourself.
Guest: I wanted to, but I was too afraid. I was driving with my "good time girl" and we were driving like crazy and I was threatening to kill both of us.
Host: How did you make a change?
Guest: I didn't want to identify with people at the Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. It was a foolish activity to me to be saying, "Hi, I'm Eric and I'm an addict." It made no sense to me. I was successful like Denzel. I had a job, a car, and money. However, when I saw myself having to move back in with my mother, that's when I knew I had to change. They also had employee assistance programs then, but now health insurance companies don't want to pay for that, but then they did. Also, my supervisor cared enough to send me to use the employee assistance program.
Host: After you made a choice your supervisor was able to guide you to where you needed to go.
Guest: Yes.
The song, One More Night by Maroon 5 speaks to addiction, knowing that something is bad for you but doing it anyway…What do you know is bad for you, but you keep doing?
Caller: Hi, I'm Sharlena and I can relate to the Denzel character because I have had ten years of recovery. I saw myself in him. For me it started with alcohol and it opened up to other things. I later found that I'm from a dysfunctional family and I always wondered what a normal family was like and come to find out that there's no "normal" family.
Host: You are more prone to such things, if you come from a family of addiction because it is a disease, so people who know someone in their family with the problem are more prone to addiction, which is more a disease than others. Congratulations on your sobriety. Continue to attend the meetings now and then, to see where you are and were and to support others.
What do you believe the movie, Flight is about? Is it about facing life's issues, anger, shame, guilt, making hard choices, or owning your own demons? Is it about coping and what it does to your life? If you think so keep reading...
Curtis Mayfield sings, Freddy’s Dead and many celebrities who mess with substances are dead. All the issues William "Whip" Whitaker had in the movie Flight is about him trying to cope with his issues with substances. Eric, our guest also knows something about addiction because he's been there himself. How the movie ended was really great, but how did you identify with the character?
Guest: You said one of the ladies William "Whip" Whitaker met was trying to help him, but no one can help an addict till the addict comes to a level of honesty, and says, "I have a problem and I need help." Even in the movie, till you face it, own it and come to terms with it nothing will happen. The saying goes, "You are as sick as your deepest secret," till then anyone trying to help you can't take you there. To make things worse, insurance companies have pulled back on the 30-day programs like I went through.
Host: I believe 30 days should be the minimum.
Guest: I have been there and at the time I didn’t know some people don't do drugs or drink because that's what I was around. I hung out with people who do that in excess.
Host: You want to be around people who will join you, so you feel in with the group.
Guest: I still have friends who do that socially till now.
Host: People are addicted to other things as well such as gambling, food, shopping, and porn and they can't function because that's all they do. The root is deeper things going on with the person that they aren't dealing with. Addictions are used to sooth and anesthetize the pain of what they are going through and since the effect of the substance doesn't last long they have to keep using it and that's how the pattern starts.
Caller: I'm Yvette and I have an addiction which is cleaning and hibernating myself. I was in an abusive situation that left me with a terminal disease and my self-esteem is not where I want it to be. I believe in God and I'm working with people to help me.
Host: Did they tell you have OCD?
Caller: They said I'm bipolar because I suffered a trauma. When I don't participate in activities because I'm going through my emotions, such as all of a sudden I break down and start crying, my mom says I don't support anyone, but they don't know what I'm going through. I feel I have to keep moving because if I sit still, my mind races, and I feel scared and out of control.
Host: It's a coping mechanism you have developed for the racing mind, fear and anxiety you suffer from. It is complicated, so you need a team of people to help you. However, as with any addiction you must admit it's happening.
Guest: Keep on keeping on. Self-esteem is big.
Host: Most addicts suffer from low self-esteem or self-loathing. They have no self-regard and no self-acceptance. They don't like themselves. Stay on the path that will help you get out of it.
Guest: My addiction ended on July 2nd 1987, so it's been 25 years. I never would have dreamed that I would be where I am now. I was a young guy with a pocket full of money, girls, and drinking, but so much has been restored because I made the choice to do something different. So many people want to do it on their own and they can stop, but can they stay stopped is the question, because people can do it on their own for a short while, but will it last?
Caller: I'm Bonnie and I think the movie is about responsibility and accountability and understanding how an addiction is ruining your life. I went through my own addictions with marijuana and I would go to work under the influence. I'm thorough and diligent, so it wasn't obvious. I later realized that we can't always do what we want when we want.
Host: Did you have to hit a bottom?
Caller: Yes, I was caught with some marijuana on the road and I had to go through a program. I have a young child hitting his teens and it wasn't easy to hide it anymore. I'm a single parent and I had to admit it. I had that arrogant attitude, and I used when I was going to work, out on dates, or when I want to sleep. I have friends that identified with the same things and some that didn't.
Host: They could've sent you to jail.
Guest: Most people wind up in jail, institutions or they die.
Host: Did you feel you needed it to pump yourself up?
Caller: I did.
Host: William "Whip" Whitaker had an option to lie, but he made the decision to take responsibility and face himself. Even though he was in prison, he said he was finally free in the movie. How do people struggle and function at work, including at crucial jobs where focus and awareness are needed? It's not wise to go to work under the influence because of the danger you can create for yourself and others. Eric shared his testimony because stories bring hope and that's what happens when you share your story. Stop medicating. Heal the source of your pain. Visit Alcoholics Anonymous, an international mutual aid movement whose primary purpose is to help alcoholics achieve sobriety at www.aa.org, Al-Anon/Alateen, also known as Al-Anon Family Groups, an international "fellowship of relatives and friends of alcoholics who share their experience, strength, and hope in order to solve their common problems at www.al-anon.alateen.org or Narcotics Anonymous, a fellowship or society of men and women for whom drugs had become a major problem at www.na.org
Caller: I'm Jacqueline and I was a working professional and addict in denial who didn't know I had a problem. I worked in one of the most notable buildings in the Capitol and no one suspected. I remember a lot of peopled reaching out to help me. I went to a 90-day program, which is an excellent way to do it and I have 20 plus years on the other side now.
Host: You would go to work high so did you get to the root?
Caller: Mine was the self-esteem thing. I tried to fit in because I didn't feel like I belonged. Alcohol gave me the courage I needed to fit it.
Host: It's interesting to see how people's attitudes seem to change under the influence. For example, when they are not under the influence, they are quiet, distant and reserved but when they’re under the influence, they are the opposite. They use drugs and alcohol to get a personality.
Caller: In the movie, it was at the court stand that William "Whip" Whitaker hit rock bottom. He had opportunities to make different decisions. It was about will you take responsibility or will you keep fudging it and do harm to yourself and others? My turning point was burying my mother. It was like my life flashing before me. The experience of burying her was surreal like my life was flashing before me at Arlington cemetery.. , “There but for the grace of God go I”
Host: I appreciate your courage. It's not an easy thing to get a hold of. I'm impressed with you. We are responsible for our lives and decisions. No one makes you do anything and taking ownership is how you take control of your life.
Caller: My name is Danny. I want to say thank you because you help me a lot. I saw the movie and he told my story. I'm a recovering addict. I went to jail and that started me in the process. I related to everything. I used again after ten years. I relapsed recently, but Narcotics Anonymous has saved my life.
Host: We all fall down. It’s about getting support to get back up. Don't beat yourself up for that.
Caller: I got married to a user and the pain and the stress of being with him caused my relapse.
Host: You need support if you are around someone who uses every day. They need to want help for themselves. You need to stay in the program to be on the straight and narrow.
Caller: They helped me find my bottom and what made me use. I didn't know that I was grieving, yet I mutilated myself also.
Host: Addiction is the outcome but there's something much deeper. You must get in there and do the work on you. If not you will get lost like we saw with Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston. No matter what he does, stay in the program.
Caller: I'm Eric. I agree with all of your callers but I'm one of the hopeless incurables. I saw the movie and I identified with the character because it's real. It's like in The defiant Ones and it's like that in a way when Sidney Poitier jumps off.
Host: I pray and hope for you to find your way to become cured. It's important to note that at a point William "Whip" Whitaker wasn't fighting himself any longer when he surrendered. That is the lesson to learn from the movie.
Source: Audrey Chapman Show Host: Audrey Chapman
Recommended reading: Hooked but not Hopeless: Escaping the Lure of Addiction by Dr. Sherry L. Hoppe and Sylvia F. Yates.
Edited by: Jeremie D. Guy
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