In the U.S and considering suicide? Call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Suicide is not the answer to any given situation no matter how bad it seems, but every hour four Americans commit suicide. It's a taboo subject people avoid discussing, but suicides keep happening, so there’s a need to discuss it. For some people, life becomes so overwhelming and unbearable to the point that they believe there's no other solution to their problems other than to kill themselves. Also, there are different types of personality types such as melancholy who are more prone to feeling unhappy, and often when pressure mounts such people unfortunately commit suicide to get away from their pain.
For their loved ones left behind, it's a surreal experience. They often feel the person wasn't taken from them, but the person made the conscious decision to take him or herself away from them. So, they have constant questions such as why they weren't enough for the person to stay around for and they are also faced with so many unanswered questions. Book The History of Suicide.
On April 13, 1990, Jill Bialosky's younger sister Kim called to wish her a happy birthday. Two days later, after a night out with her girlfriends, Kim took her own life, asphyxiating herself with carbon monoxide in her mother's garage, in her mother's white Saab. She was 21. The tragedy forever changed how Bialosky felt about her place in the world, and it's through History of a Suicide, a tender, absorbing, and deeply moving memoir, that she attempts to work through the kaleidoscope of grief that consumed her for 20 years.
Aching to understand why and how her sister lost the will to live, Bialosky interweaves family history, literature (Shakespeare, Dante, Melville, and Plath appear frequently), medical writings, and Kim's own journals. The very nature of suicide, the author notes, is as elusive as the great whale Moby-Dick, and her writing reflects that slipperiness, circling in and out of memories and emotions. The portrait Bialosky presents of Kim is a vivid one: a sweet little girl surrounded by adoring older sisters, a sensitive teenager longing for her absentee father, and finally, a broken young woman who, as she wrote in her devastating suicide note, got ''tired of being lonely.'' There are times when Bialosky's pain is almost unbearable (shortly after Kim's death, she lost two babies), but she's never maudlin. She writes so gracefully and bravely that what you're left with in the end is an overwhelming sense of love. Jill was recently on the Rickie Lake show to discuss this topic and below is some of what she shared.
In the U.S and considering suicide? Call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Successful British movie director, Tony Scott comitted suicide earlier this year in LA leaving many people stunned and asking what they could have done to prevent it. To stop someone from committing suicide seek help for them, encourage communication with them and try to get to the core of the problem that is pushing them in that direction. It could be work or school related or it could be about their personal relationship. Whatever the case is with their situation, keep them talking about it, so they can see reason that whatever they are going through will pass in time. Bring suicide out of the shadows into the light. Don’t sweep it under the rug or make it the elephant in the room when someone you know commits suicide. Silence is not the savior to any problem. As human beings, we are created to fellowship with other people and talking about our problems diminishes its power over us. However, due in the Western world, we are taught to keep to ourselves and resolve our own problems, which isn’t always possible. People are also quick to say one should go to a shrink, but not everyone can afford that or have access to one, so as much as we can we should listen to people non-judgmentally.
When a suicide occurs, family members are left behind to mourn in agony, wondering why the person didn't stay. It is a form of abandonment, so prevention and recovery for those affected by it is important. After a suicide occurs, the people left behind just want to move on and be normal. However, it's not so easy. They will need therapy. Other people are overwhelmingly affected, so much so, that they feel they can't live without the person who committed suicide and it really comes down to them feeling they have one of two choices; to crawl into the grave with the person or choose to live. The question loved ones of people who commit suicide should ask themself is," Will someone' actions affect my life?" And when one realizes that one can start living or start dying, most people will choose to live. People left behind should not let suicider’s choice define them. There's always help if you know where to look. There are resources to help those left behind, but the most important thing is to know that whatever they are feeling which can be a myriad of feelings is ok, but they must reach out and talk about with others because the process of talking is very therapeutic. As a loved one of a person who committed suicide, there's no recovery, you are always recovering. You never get over the loss of a loved one through suicide.
More than ever people have suicidal tendencies and those left behind feel a sense of guilt, responsibility, and anger. Some are angry at the world that their loved one had to bear so many things that pushed them to suicide. Suicidal people are often isolated. Their pain and suffering is so acute at that moment they are often just seeking an escape from their pain. Nobody wants to address it, but talking about it helps. It's important to talk about it and share memories of the person. The process is freeing. Often people who commit suicide are seen throughout the filter of their final act of suicide and not for who they were for their entire life, which isn't right.
Advice from Dr. Kita S. Curry, President and CEO of Didi Hirsch Mental Health Services 1. Join a group of suicide family survivors.
2. Stay in the same group with the same people over a period of time.
3. Interact with people who are further along in the recovering process to learn from their perspective.
In the U.S and considering suicide? Call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.What pushes people to suicide?
Some people are over worked, stressed out, struggling in school, clinically depressed, and they self-medicate with drugs and alcohol and at some point they decide they just don't want to live anymore. So, it becomes a mental health issue that can be treated and prevented. Mental health illness is not an illness that can be cured outright. For example, you can't rid people of bipolar disease, but they can learn to manage the symptoms and live with it effectively. People who feel they want to commit suicide should seek treatment and know that they are not alone.
Over half of suicide victims are adult men due to high pressure careers, work problems, relationship problems, depression, smoking, and sleep deprivation. So when someone shares that all is not going well with them, people shouldn’t insensitively say, "Come on, you'll be alright. It will blow over. Man up!" because you can't know the depth of their pain or the dark hole they are in or how far in they are. The best thing to do is to raise awareness, and not make their suicidal feelings a scary subject because it can be treated because like any other illness it can be treated and prevented.
Professional ballroom dancer, Mark Ballas of Dancing with the Stars had an uncle who committed suicide. He created The Ballis Foundation in memory of him.
1in 3 Latino girls considers suicide and Congress woman Grace Napolitano is on a mission to stop that. She is instituting the Mental Health in Schools Act because adolescent Latinas of ages 9-11 have the highest suicide rate and they are statistically closely followed by African Americans. Some schools were reticent to allow research on the subject, because they didn’t want to be labeled as they “crazy” school but the reduction of the stigma around the subject is important so people can talk about it without fear.
90% of suicide victims are suffering from a form of mental illness. It should be made known that it is preventable and people should be taught how to talk to people considering suicide by becoming active listeners who know what to listen for. For example, if a person is talking about suicide and saying things like, "I wish I could die” or “The world will be better off without me," those are clear signs that there’s a problem. Also, if they are giving away their prized possessions or collecting any pills they can get their hands on; those are other signs showing that they are contemplating suicide.
In the U.S and considering suicide? Call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.When people talk to us and express their honest feelings, we should be accepting of what they are saying and of them and we should try to be helpful. Also, they shouldn’t be left alone. Spend time with them. Say to them, "Let me help you." Be willing to listen to them for long periods of time and listen for what the problem is and help them trouble shoot the problem to find a resolution. For example, they could be pregnant, or gay or in a bad work or personal relationship situation. So, tell them “we will get through this together.” This shows them that they are not alone and that you are part of their team. Let them know you are there for them and that you really care about them.
Dr. Kelly Posner has created a questionnaire available at http://www.cssrs.columbia.edu/docs/C-SSRS-Risk_Assessment_Version_2-1-12.pdf to find out who is at risk.
As a nation, we need to worry about people’s suicidal thoughts the most because 50% of suicide victims visit their health care provider a month before they commit suicide, so doctors should inquire about their patients mental health during routine health visits and look for warning signs of impending problems. Also, the depression scale by Dr. Posner should be instituted in every state. You can do your part by calling the powers that be in your state.
Culled from The Rickie Lake Show
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